I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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