Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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