I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
