im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
