Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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