I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
