Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
