On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
