we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
