I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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