The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
