You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you had me at cake vodka
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
