Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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