I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize