just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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