Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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