i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
