It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
