So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
