hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
