Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
