True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
