My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
