my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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