the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
