just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize