Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
