I am puke
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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