If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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