what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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