hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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