everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Found the puke drawer
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
MIDGETS
????
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
