Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
