Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
