I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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