I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
