why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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