they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
