Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
