i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
