What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
