are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
