My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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