Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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