I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
