i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
