Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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