i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
