it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
