I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
