Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
well you can't waste a boner
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
me + whiskey = a bad person
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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