we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
lets start a swedish sibling band together
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
