Redeem this text for a blowjob
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
