hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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