do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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