My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
