If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
