So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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