Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
