Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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