just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
