im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
