I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
