I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
