Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
