Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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