he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
