maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
you win again, gameday.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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