where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
