Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
