Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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